pinesoproud

i currently have a cyclopean pimple right above my nose. i don't know what to do but i am tempted to decorate it.

these are emotional times and sleepy times, though i am not sleeping because i always feel that there are forces at my back, just making more demands on my time.

but, today was the first cold day of the fall. joy of joys, how i have missed sweater weather.
i will try and put out of my mind that when it finally gets really, bone achingly cold my seasonal affective disorder will kick in and bed leaving will feel impossible.

i revisited champagne monday night. what a nostalgic, bubbly feeling, and fun times that followed. but i will not, however, revisit my andre's habit. i am not nostalgic for my downfall and for my stupid days and nights of craziness and tears.
but that will never happen again.

it is so unbearably hot out this week. my contacts feel like they are melting onto my eyeballs and i have to take a million showers.

i can't believe how ridiculously good season two of weeds is.

i want to go back to california.

i want a good idea.

enlichar!
i spend too much time not knowing what to do.

dates with myself
baby goat friends!
peacock friends!
nuzzling deer!
and hayburn in my throat and nose for days.
quilting
and new brakes, no money
tussle and hot chip = dancing, and the realization that it takes approximately one year for most of the people who used to hug and compliment and at the very least, fucking speak to you when you drank too much and frequented mjq, or dsc, or whatever- to begin ignoring you completely. 
so,,, i'm lonely and i found a secret tee-pee spot and there is a lack of well-rounded individuals in my life.
as in. i have no friends. except a baby.
killer commute
chill pills
burban experience
puppy loving
feathers on everything (on purpose!)
shredder snuggling
lazy
spring fever
panicky mess
gollem + balkan beat box fun,

this might be a really wonderful summer,
but its not here yet,

and i turn 24 tomorrow.
i need a little magic, i have some, but a little more.
and someone to talk about clothes AND books AND actual, real, interesting things with.
because, as wonder lovey and supportive and listenerish and patient as paul is,
that's probably just a bit too much to ask.

this weekend, parents, inman park, diamonds, tiramisu, new camera.

even though i hate change and i'm nervous not knowing actually what and when, i'm looking forward to the summer.
starting at the end of may i'll be watching karl, sophie, and avery, making more money and getting to do projects and spend all day outside. i'm going to get an art supply budget and an icecream budget and free trips to the zoo and fernbank and the emory pool.
a child's summer, with only a bit more responsibility.
but it's going to be so hard to leave elsie. i would never have imagined that a child would be such a huge part of my life even just a few years ago, 
so.

tomorrow night  we are going to braves opening day, then we're going again staurday afternoon because of the mets. get warmer. please, please get warmer out.

i am loving all of this making and cleaning and good eating that i have been doing lately.
blah.

lately i have mainly been concerned with domestication, putting the past behind me, and keratosis pilaris.

i don't get to float along until school starts back.

i have woken up with feathers in my eyelashes, a frog in my throat, champagne headaches, and songs in my head. lately. but at least i am sleeping.

i have been reading almost too much these past few weeks.

there is a blue heron haunting one of the parks i take elsie to.

my mood depends so much upon the weather. lately.